*Rant Alert*
*Disclaimer*
Whatever I say here is my own view of what things are going on. At least thats what they happened to me. This post does not allow comments. Why? Simple. I don't need yours. Thats what blogs are for aren't they? If you want to read, carry on. If you don't, go type something in Google or go to Disney.Com and go wild. This post is rated NC16 for "Mild Language" (if you follow Singapore's rating system for movies)
After going through so many years of life, I don't know if I have changed or not. People say I do, and people say I don't. Thats life isn't it? People change, everything changes.
Unfortunately, some people in this world do NOT accept change.
They deny it, and they love those they think are good, and condemn those who they hate. This sounds like what everyone else does right? Wrong. This people stick with it all their life. If they hate vegetables just because brocolli was the first vegetable they were introduced to, they'd hate it all their life. If Friend X was good to him during his childhood days, he'd think that he'd be good to him forever, although he's stabbing him right in his face.
What does this have to do with me? Simple. Take the last example I sited and turn it around. Just because I was unruly, untidy, unreliable, irresponsible, irritating, idiotic, clumsy, dumb, and maybe even downright stupid 4 years ago, doesn't mean I am today.
What made me want to write this? Everything has to have a beginning and an end doesn't it? It all started when I realize my parents still treat me like a 15 year old kid although I am 21 already then. The flame was kept burning with snide remarks like "I'm surprised you made it". Until just recently, my brother, my very own flesh and blood brother said to me.
"You have never changed since the first day I know you and you never will"
Touchë
That got me real mad. All the efforts I put into trying to making myself more "socially acceptable" seemed to have gone down the drain hasn't it? After that hurting remark, more came. Took them all in my face.
The one that hurt the most? I'd have to tell you a little bit of history. I did some trailer/teasers for the New Nostal Show and one of them used Spybreak (From The Matrix soundtrack). I already knew it was not THE best track to use since its a little too common. I asked for more ideas, nobody got back to me with a proper one. To this date, after two requests for a better song (Since I can't find one) I still hve no responses or follow ups.
What to do? I based the starting of the first episode of the New Nostal Show on the song. I tried many other songs but they didn't fit in somehow, or gave the same impact that Spybreak did. After deciding on using Spybreak again, I showed my brother and Zhenjie the video. Before even the "Nostalgic Production Presents" word totally showed up, my brother straight away said
"This song again? Why the fuck can't you find a better song?"
Sounds like a death sentence before a fair and proper trial? You bet. As if to add fuel to the fire, Zhenjie said
"I told him already, just never listen"
My blood reached boiling point right after that sentence and lashed out to defend myself. The video hasn't even properly started, not even finished watching the video, you condemn whatever you are seeing already. Be fair to me. I'd definately ask for comments after the whole thing, if nothing was good about it, say so. If nothing was bad about it, say so. If you have pointers or comments, leave them till the end of the video. And my brother said I can't take criticisim. If I can't take it, I would have given up doing the video altogether by then.
My brother carried on with the video in the end, but he muted the speakers. That was the ultimate insult, but I could only watch. Who ask me so weak? I never stood up for myself because I know it'd lead to quarrelling and arguements so I'd rather step down to avoid a fight all together.
Most recent attack? When I told Zhenjie this evening that my headphones started to make funny cracking noises (damage to headphones due to heavy bass) which was weird, and was wondering if he'd know why (since they were such good headphones and he owned them too.) Instead, all I got was this fuckload of shit.
"Well nothing surprising, I'm just surprised it lasted so long...."
Nothing I own can last more than a year doesn't it? That was true 2 years ago, I couldn't even let it last a month, but this has lasted for almost a year already, and I damaged it quite a few times, mainly freak accidents and not through negligence. I'm seriously sick of all this attachment of traits to me and not giving me a chance to prove myself.
I'm not spared from this even with my family. My parents, cousins etc. My only salvation would perhaps be only diana and my camp mates. Diana used to be like that, but she has changed (thank god) or I'd go mad by now.
Of course, while everyone else is reading this, it'll become another "long winded one by William, just let him be, always like that".
Not as if anyone cared anyway. Living in a cage of cold steel with solid cement flooring is already bad enough, living in a cage forged by the beliefs of your loved ones, best friends and family, is a fate almost worst than death. I try breaking these beliefs, but like some alien substance from Mars in Sci-Fi movies, after breaking the metal bars, they form back up, stronger than ever. I'm trying to change, and I try real hard, but whatever I do, good or bad gets related to a bad thing I've done in the past and I get locked down like a Starcraft Battlecruiser; able to stay afloat but otherwise useless while remaining vulnerable to more attacks.
My singing sucks, I can't do street magic even if my life depended on it. I have enough things to put me down already, and just when I need to turn to someone, just when I think I've done something that I feel I put a lot of effort in, I get put right back down.
Is it my fault? Partly, because I, like a fool, let them put me back down, maybe even deeper from where I started off. Is this fair? Nope, but life isn't fair either. What can I do but bitch about it, since nobody around me ever listens to what I say or do anyway.
So if for some unknown reason you are reading this, I'm sorry I had to bore you to tears with this fuckload of crap, but this is just what my life is right now; crap.
Thanks a lot, my friends and family, thanks for the support you've been 'giving' all these years.
Fuck this world
Nos
Whatever I say here is my own view of what things are going on. At least thats what they happened to me. This post does not allow comments. Why? Simple. I don't need yours. Thats what blogs are for aren't they? If you want to read, carry on. If you don't, go type something in Google or go to Disney.Com and go wild. This post is rated NC16 for "Mild Language" (if you follow Singapore's rating system for movies)
After going through so many years of life, I don't know if I have changed or not. People say I do, and people say I don't. Thats life isn't it? People change, everything changes.
Unfortunately, some people in this world do NOT accept change.
They deny it, and they love those they think are good, and condemn those who they hate. This sounds like what everyone else does right? Wrong. This people stick with it all their life. If they hate vegetables just because brocolli was the first vegetable they were introduced to, they'd hate it all their life. If Friend X was good to him during his childhood days, he'd think that he'd be good to him forever, although he's stabbing him right in his face.
What does this have to do with me? Simple. Take the last example I sited and turn it around. Just because I was unruly, untidy, unreliable, irresponsible, irritating, idiotic, clumsy, dumb, and maybe even downright stupid 4 years ago, doesn't mean I am today.
What made me want to write this? Everything has to have a beginning and an end doesn't it? It all started when I realize my parents still treat me like a 15 year old kid although I am 21 already then. The flame was kept burning with snide remarks like "I'm surprised you made it". Until just recently, my brother, my very own flesh and blood brother said to me.
"You have never changed since the first day I know you and you never will"
Touchë
That got me real mad. All the efforts I put into trying to making myself more "socially acceptable" seemed to have gone down the drain hasn't it? After that hurting remark, more came. Took them all in my face.
The one that hurt the most? I'd have to tell you a little bit of history. I did some trailer/teasers for the New Nostal Show and one of them used Spybreak (From The Matrix soundtrack). I already knew it was not THE best track to use since its a little too common. I asked for more ideas, nobody got back to me with a proper one. To this date, after two requests for a better song (Since I can't find one) I still hve no responses or follow ups.
What to do? I based the starting of the first episode of the New Nostal Show on the song. I tried many other songs but they didn't fit in somehow, or gave the same impact that Spybreak did. After deciding on using Spybreak again, I showed my brother and Zhenjie the video. Before even the "Nostalgic Production Presents" word totally showed up, my brother straight away said
"This song again? Why the fuck can't you find a better song?"
Sounds like a death sentence before a fair and proper trial? You bet. As if to add fuel to the fire, Zhenjie said
"I told him already, just never listen"
My blood reached boiling point right after that sentence and lashed out to defend myself. The video hasn't even properly started, not even finished watching the video, you condemn whatever you are seeing already. Be fair to me. I'd definately ask for comments after the whole thing, if nothing was good about it, say so. If nothing was bad about it, say so. If you have pointers or comments, leave them till the end of the video. And my brother said I can't take criticisim. If I can't take it, I would have given up doing the video altogether by then.
My brother carried on with the video in the end, but he muted the speakers. That was the ultimate insult, but I could only watch. Who ask me so weak? I never stood up for myself because I know it'd lead to quarrelling and arguements so I'd rather step down to avoid a fight all together.
Most recent attack? When I told Zhenjie this evening that my headphones started to make funny cracking noises (damage to headphones due to heavy bass) which was weird, and was wondering if he'd know why (since they were such good headphones and he owned them too.) Instead, all I got was this fuckload of shit.
"Well nothing surprising, I'm just surprised it lasted so long...."
Nothing I own can last more than a year doesn't it? That was true 2 years ago, I couldn't even let it last a month, but this has lasted for almost a year already, and I damaged it quite a few times, mainly freak accidents and not through negligence. I'm seriously sick of all this attachment of traits to me and not giving me a chance to prove myself.
I'm not spared from this even with my family. My parents, cousins etc. My only salvation would perhaps be only diana and my camp mates. Diana used to be like that, but she has changed (thank god) or I'd go mad by now.
Of course, while everyone else is reading this, it'll become another "long winded one by William, just let him be, always like that".
Not as if anyone cared anyway. Living in a cage of cold steel with solid cement flooring is already bad enough, living in a cage forged by the beliefs of your loved ones, best friends and family, is a fate almost worst than death. I try breaking these beliefs, but like some alien substance from Mars in Sci-Fi movies, after breaking the metal bars, they form back up, stronger than ever. I'm trying to change, and I try real hard, but whatever I do, good or bad gets related to a bad thing I've done in the past and I get locked down like a Starcraft Battlecruiser; able to stay afloat but otherwise useless while remaining vulnerable to more attacks.
My singing sucks, I can't do street magic even if my life depended on it. I have enough things to put me down already, and just when I need to turn to someone, just when I think I've done something that I feel I put a lot of effort in, I get put right back down.
Is it my fault? Partly, because I, like a fool, let them put me back down, maybe even deeper from where I started off. Is this fair? Nope, but life isn't fair either. What can I do but bitch about it, since nobody around me ever listens to what I say or do anyway.
So if for some unknown reason you are reading this, I'm sorry I had to bore you to tears with this fuckload of crap, but this is just what my life is right now; crap.
Thanks a lot, my friends and family, thanks for the support you've been 'giving' all these years.
Fuck this world
Nos
posted by Rescend at
9:44:00 PM
